Should I, Should I not

This is a week full of frustration, sadness, pressure and failure. Seriously, I am tired of trying to be nice to myself by saying all the good things and please my own heart, I can’t bear with it anymore… Sometimes, we have to deal with the reality… Disappointment after disappointment I have faced made me weak and exhausted. I have tried to be very patience and cool in facing these problems, but I am about to explode~ arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how much I wish I could scream loudly and let the world know what I have inside…. this burden is too heavy… I need help, I need a shoulder that I can cry on, I need support, I need someone to be by my side, I need someone who is willing to hear what I want to say, I need to be loved and care for. But at this moment, I did not get any of it =(… Poor me, I never feel this miserable in my ENTIRE life…No one knows what I have to face every day; no one knows my sufferings except He…  Oh Allah, I really need you to be by my side right now, give me the strength, give me the courage to continue this life and as you know best, give me guidance. You have the ultimate answer; please show it to me, I am begging you… If this suffering would grant me happiness in the future, give me the power to deal with it, but if it is futile, please end these sufferings…

Confession of a....

I can be forgiving,

I can stop being angry,

I can be understanding,

I can stop sulking without any reason,

But………

No matter how hard I try

I can’t fill in the big hole in my heart by myself… 

Picture: Courtesy of Google

Tonight I Wanna Cry-Keith Urban

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

(Chorus:)
I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Playing with sounds =D

***************************************

My love for you is so divine,

I wish it could forever be mine

Sueraya 

**************************************

Treasure

Can bring pleasure

Pressure

Can bring torture

Sueraya 

***************************************

When I look into my eye,

I started to fly,

Thinking of all those lie,

Makes me started to cry,

Memory we cannot buy begins to capture in my eye,

Why you said you want to try,

When you are actually shy,

It’s easy to say hi,

It’s hard to say goodbye.

Sueraya

***************************************

~IMPERFECTION~

T

H       K

 I        I                    M                                      M

 S   I   L   E   N   C   E                              M A K E

      S   L                                                     L

          I                F                                     O

          N  O  T  H  I  N  G                      B E I N G

          G      O     G                              O      E

                          U     M A D                R

                      D R I V E    O             S  I L  L  Y

                          E            I                 N

                                        N O T H I N G

                                        G          S

This silence is killing me 

Nothing to figure drive me mad

Doing nothing is boring

Being alone make me silly

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Why do you think Jon Gray come out with this book? I believe it is because he wants to show how men and women are contradicted. For me, I do believe that men are opposite of women and vice versa. Why this thing happens? A simple answer is that the nature of men and women are different. The way men perceive things are different and the way women interpret their views also are different. Thus, conflicts often occur between these two genders. For me, I neither say that women are always right nor men are always correct. Both have their own point that they want to stress and have different ideas in interpreting things. Besides, they also have different ways of controlling the relationship and most of the times, their ways are contrary. . Let us look some contradiction between these two genders

Women need ATTENTION! They want their partner to give full attention to them. Sometimes, they tend to have some kind of weird perception whereby when their partner doesn’t spend time with them, it means that they don’t care about them.

Men prefer to be alone. They don’t want to be disturbed all the time; they want to have time for their own. They believe that though they don’t spend time with their partner, it doesn’t mean they don’t love them!

Women want their partner to know what they need without telling them. They prefer to use hints instead of going straight to the point

Men rarely understand hints. They expect women to tell them what they need. Be direct.

Women show their emotion all the time. They want their partner to pamper them. Sometimes, they don’t want them to say anything, just lend their ears for few minutes and say something which can cheer them up. (Seem simple but I know it is hard to be done)

Men don’t like women who show their emotion regularly. Sometimes they tend to think that if they can handle their own problems, why can’t women do the same?

Women think a lot. They like to think about the past and future. Sometimes, this make them become anxious unnecessarily.

Men prefer to live their life by following the flow. They don’t spend much time thinking of the past nor future. They focus more on present.

Women are complex. It is not easy to understand them.

Men are simple, but they are unpredictable.

I think I will stop the list there. Hehe, maybe, there are more things where women and men are contradicted. However, I believe that we must be tolerance with one another. If we want our partner to understand us, we should try to understand them as well. Besides, if we think that they don’t fulfill our expectation, think back, have we fulfilled what they actually want? There is no point for us to fight and blame each other. We can’t think of proper solution if both want to win. Be realistic. No one is perfect, bear with it! However, try our best to be nice with our partner. Most importantly, love your partner as the way he or she is. Never try to change them to be someone that you want! That is not love! Accept them the way they are and love them sincerely, that is true love…

What I can do with -ness and -ous =D

Alone in the darkness,

I am nervous.

Drowning in the loneliness,

I feel anxious.

Thinking of the unseen happiness,

I am curious.

Reflecting at the soreness,

I sense the torturous.

Seeing the aggressiveness,

I feel dangerous.

Recalling the brokenness

I become furious.

-sueraya-

Uncertainty

Will there be tomorrow;

I don't know.

Will there be next year;

I am not sure

-Sueraya-

Code of Life

If you have hundreds of problems, don’t be frightened by it because there are thousands of solutions you can think off and try =P… No matter what you do in life, always think positive and always trust that you will manage to overcome all the obstacles. I would like to quote from Anthony J, who says “Spend 90% of your times for solutions and 10% of your times for problems”. For me, this is a great model in problem solving because by spending too much time on problems, we tend to increase the number of problems that we had and overlook the positive sides of each problem. However, if we allocate more time to ponder on solutions, we’ll get many benefits.

No matter how hard your problem is, never give up. Always look at the bright side and remember everything happens for a reason and there is One who knows best. Sometimes He just delays what we wish for, but later, He grants us something invaluable. Only then, we realize that there is a reason why we didn’t get what we dream of earlier. Never let others demotivate you; believe that no one can stop you from fulfilling your dreams. Try your best in everything you do and always bear in mind that you shape your own destiny.

Never live this life with “what if”, there is no such thing as if and if… When something bad happen, reflect on it and try to look for the good things that we managed to learn from that experiences. When we fail to get our wishes, ponder back at the effort we put in getting those wishes. Is it parallel, is it enough? If not, then try again, if we had tried our best but still fail, don’t lose hope, there is always another chance. Do not put high expectation in ourselves, know our limit, and set our goal according to our ability. Don’t try to imitate others and never follow blindly. Always use our reasoning in determining our decisions. Don’t let others manipulate you! Have faith in yourselves.

Never say it’s too late to change, as long as we are living in this world, we can always try to be a better person. Never say no to opportunities and never feel afraid of trying. Sometimes, we need to face failure before we can open the door to success. Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing of being wrong. Mistakes, failure and disappointment make us a mature person. Learn from our past and live the present.

Whatever you do in life must make you happy, don’t commit yourselves in something you are not willing to do; this will hinder your productivity. Live life to the fullest that is the most frequent quote used to explain life. Why do you think so? For me it is to avoid us from feeling regret with what we have done. Make full use of every minute, hour, day, months, and years you have and treasure everyone you love =)…

We wont get everything

Jangan Berhenti Mencintaiku- Titi Dj

Hari kian bergulir

Semakin dekat dirimu di hatiku

Meskipun tak terucapkan

Ku merasakan dalamnya cintaku

Reff:

Jangan berhenti mencintaiku

Meski mentari berhenti bersinar

Jangan berubah sedikitpun

Di dalam cintamu ku temukan bahagia

Jalan mungkin berliku

Tak kan lelah bila di sampingmu

Semakin ku mengenalmu

Jelas terlihat pintu masa depan

Kembali ke Reff

Semoga tiada berhenti

Bersemi selamanya

No matter how much I want, It just won't happen =(... always expect the unexpected

Personality

I took a personality test designed by JobCentral. Below is the result that i received. I agree with 85% of the statement and the remaining 15% is a bit contradict with myself. However, who knows, sometimes we don't even know ourselves very well =D

At a Glance

• Punctual, completes work on time.

• Focused on tasks, persists until job is done.

• Objective, but may appear detached.

• Quiet and reserved, prefers own company.

• Sees people as nice and friendly, not comfortable to wheel and deal.

• A good supporter of others.

• Needs clear and thorough instructions, slow to act when uncertain.

While at Work

Ms Sueraya is prepared to put in hard work moderately but she may at times prefer to work at her own pace.

Time is a major concern for Ms Sueraya. She is frequently punctual and even early for appointments. When time is critical, she moves quickly and acts promptly. Having a sense of urgency means that Ms Sueraya pushes to get things done when there is a deadline and allocates time properly when planning or organising activities. She can be depended upon to get work done on schedule.

Ms Sueraya persists with a task until it is completed. Determination, commitment and perseverance are her strength; hence she can be depended upon to meet work obligations. Ms Sueraya is suitable for long-term projects because she is sufficiently focused to see them through completion.

Ms Sueraya is able to produce work that is moderately high in quality but she may at times be careless.

Ms Sueraya is an objective person who is impartial and rational. She speaks factually and often does not involve her own feelings and emotions. She may sometimes be perceived as distant or detached.

Although Ms Sueraya is usually a sympathetic person, she may at times be selective about being involved in the personal problems of people.

Being a shy, quiet and reserved person, Ms Sueraya prefers her own company and feels awkward when meeting people for the first time. In social gatherings, she tends to stay in the background.

Ms Sueraya selectively forms strong bonds with people although these bonds may not be very deep.

Ms Sueraya is moderately serious about her responsibilities and selectively takes ownership of her work.

Ms Sueraya is moderately concerned with prestige, rank and reputation.

Ms Sueraya sees people as friendly, reliable and honest. She is trusting and believes what people say. She tends to be unsuspecting of people.s behaviour and motives. She is uncomfortable when she has to wheel and deal.

A good supporter to the people around her, Ms Sueraya does not desire to lead or influence people. She is uncomfortable taking charge and does not feel the thrill of challenge in leading others. She prefers to responds rather than initiate. She looks to others to provide direction and does not naturally want to persuade or motivate others to take a certain course of action.

Ms Sueraya is as keen to explore abstract concepts when the topic appeals to her and she is as interested to discuss theoretical issues as the average person.

Ms Sueraya puts in effort to plan ahead some of the times. She may at times not be as detailed in her planning.

Ms Sueraya is generally able to express herself although not to a high degree of eloquence.

Being one who needs clear and thorough instructions before she can proceed on action, Ms Sueraya resists when conditions are uncertain. She does not adapt easily to changes. Before she embarks on a new project, expect Ms Sueraya to find out more and probe deeply.

What's on my mind

"Mistakes are the portal of discoveries". I've used this quote as my motivation since I started my study. Alhamdulillah I managed to adapt this into my study life. Before, I was too afraid of mistakes and failure. When I face failure, I felt very down and it seems like that is the end of everything. However, I tried to change that perception and take those failure as a test, never give up and never stop trying + praying. By doing so, I managed to be a better student and I am not easily taken away by the difficulties that I've to face. I took it as something which will improve myself. By reflecting back at those failure and problems, I can think of ways to overcome it and try to think of prevention to avoid it from happening again. Hopefully, I can continue this forever. Even though I had change in that aspect, I still have many weaknesses and one of them is I am lacking of confidence. I often think what others think of me rather than thinking of my own self satisfaction. When I want to do something, I’ll think of others view first rather than fulfilling my needs. When all the negative thoughts cross my mind, I will stop myself from continuing my desires. I wish I could have the courage and confident, just ignore what others say and follow my intuition. I’ve dreamt to have this attitude for years, but I never found the way which can make me like this. Sometimes, I envy people who have guts to stand for themselves. I admire their bravery. Besides, I always look down at my own ability; I never have the gut to demonstrate the gifts that Allah has given to me. I always perceived myself as someone who has nothing though sometimes it is proven that I have those skills. I wish one day, I could find the right way to share my ability and knowledge with others. Hopefully, with proper support and courage I am able to do this.

While They are Still Here

Why we always take someone who loves us lightly? I have a very simple answer for that; it’s because of our perception. I am saying this based on my own experience. I tend to believe that when people love me, the love will remain forever and it will never diminish. Have you ever experience this? For me, I have faced it a couple of times, when I had someone I love by my side, I care less about them, I was too busy with my tight schedule. However, without I realizing it, one by one started to leave me, the feeling of losing someone we love is so miserable. After that, I learned a lesson. Never take for granted of the people that we love. We may say, it is going to be another day to show our love to them, or I still can tell them that I love them next month, or even worse I can still express my love and gratitude of having them by my side next year. Think again, are we that sure? How do we know that there will be tomorrow, next month or next year? Sometimes, we can lose someone that we love just in a second. At one minute, they are happily talking with us, the next minute, they are just gone. Living us and this world forever. What else do we have? Only our memories with them. Due to that reason, appreciate whom you have while they are still here, especially our parents, siblings, family, friends, neighbors, teachers, and others so that there would be no regret. Treasure every moment that we have with them, show our love everyday and express that love through words and actions. Spend as much time as possible with them and make sure they know how thankful we are to have their love and having them by our side.

Everlasting Love

Love, love, love... Oh my love,I always seek for your help every time I am down, I never lost hope in you, I never regret loving you, I never stop looking for you, I never stop believing in you, I never want to disappoint you. But no matter how much I try, I did things which provoke your anger, I was bad, I followed my pointless needs, I was bad, I forgot all the rights and wrongs, I forgot the do’s and the dont’s.. Oh, love, please forgive me… Please accept my forgiveness. I need you, I’m begging for your mercy. Never end your blessing towards me, without you helping me, my life means nothing… Oh, Allah please, please, please forgive me =(

link:

Maher Zain: Inyaallah Lyrics

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can`t see which way to go
Don`t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insya Allah 2x

Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Everytime you can make one more mistake
You feel you can`t repent
And that its way too late
Your`re so confused,wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame

Don`t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insya Allah 2x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way
Insya Allah 2x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Turn to Allah
He`s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don`t let me go astray
You`re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way 2x
Insya Allah 2x
Insya Allah we`ll find the way

I wish I could be…

I wish I could be the star,

Being admired at all time.

I wish I could be the moon,

Being appreciated at night..

I wish I could be the sun,

Brighten up everyone’s day.

I wish I could be the birds,

Fly free on the sky.

I wish I could be the time,

Being valued in every moment.

-Sueraya-

Mission =)

• Send my parents to perform Hajj
• Perform Hajj for myself, I really want to go to this Holy Place...
  

A nice and comfortable home

My dream car

To be a successful lecturer in a well known university

Everlasting marriage with the one I love

This can be achieved after few months working I guess =D

I WANT THIS SO BADLY =p

Those are the things that i want to achieve in my life so far =D... Hopefully this could happen after few years of hardship and struggle... hahahaha... Never stop praying sueraya! Allah will never let you down!

Anxiety kills!

Priority in life... this is an issue which create headache in many people lives. if we don't know our priority, many things will be neglected, wrong decision will be made and many regrets will come later on in life. for me, i am still figuring out what are my priorities, name it family, study, love, career, money???? yeah, right now, im facing a great pressure and headache as i can't decide what i should focus first. sometimes, i spend too much time thinking of unnecessary things, but when i don't think, i feel incomplete. at this moment, i am in the stage of leaving studying time (my comfort zone) and enter a new phase, which is far more challenging! yup, i know it is. everyday, these questions will cross my mind

• will i get a job?
• does the job suits me?
• will it be the job that I've been wanting all these while?
• will what i earn enough to support myself and help my family?

sometimes i feel very tense thinking of all those things, i am anxious, miserable and depressed... i know, thinking alone won't solve the problem, but what i do know is expectation that is put on me is high and i am very afraid to let people down especially when i know how much they are hoping. sigh... For now, i want to stop worrying about other things, please focus my dear! you should study as this is the final semester, don't waste your time thinking. okey? when the right time comes, then you can continue contemplating. As said before don't make the wrong decision or else you will regret it for the rest of your life. so, put it this way,

Study

Career

MONEY

(don't think too much on this one, make use of what you have. Allah knows best, if you are lacking of this, take it as a test and for the future, just pray for the best)

Insya'Allah everything will run smoothly. " If we trust in ourselves, embrace our faults, and brazen it out with courage, strength and bravery, FATE may just smile upon us"

Welcome to the new world :)

Hi.. A new adventure of becoming an amateur blogger =D.. I've just created this blog and will try to make full use of it... hopefully with this blog, I could be an active writer, share my thoughts and express my feelings. .. To start a wonderful journey, a memorable step need to be taken and to start a great works, a nice idea should be gathered, as for that, I'll post things which i thing could benefit me, have moral lessons and good memories...

To start of, let me introduce myself, I am an ordinary girl, with an ordinary life. I have a family whom i love so much, everyday i thank Allah for giving me that greatest gift, they are my strength to live this life and do the best out of it, without them my life means nothing! plus, i have someone whom i love deeply, btw, this is my 2nd anniversary... haha, i wish this relationship will last til the end of my life. i also have lots of great friends whom i care and love dearly=P... their presence brighten up my life and colour my days... these three important group of people made me as who i am today.... thank you for always be by my side and bring out the best in me...